A Word To the Bridesmaids

   I start this with my own experience and the stories of others in mind. I am currently in the honorary position of a bridesmaid for the first time in my life, and this after having already been the bride. I want to share my thoughts on bridesmaid Do’s and Don’t’s from both sides. As a bride, I can tell you what my bridesmaids did that was helpful, that was unhelpful, and what I would have liked them to have done more of. I’ll share with you a bit of what the bride feels during the engagement time, if you don’t already know, and I’ll tell you what I think will be best for you to keep in mind.

1.       Do give as much physical assistance as needed.

   I don’t think any bride will ever say her bridesmaids did too much work when it came to her wedding day. Be asking what you can do, and make yourself available for as much of it as you can. Especially if there are a lot of DIY projects going on, the bride will always be happy to have extra hands to help out. I had plenty of projects that went on until the late hours of the night, and few of them actually came to fruition, just because I ran out of time and willing hands to get it all done. No matter how small the project, no matter how much hot glue gets pasted to your hands, it will be greatly appreciated, and will make the work go by faster, as well as make it more fun!

2.       Don’t overwhelm the bride with YOUR ideas.

   I’ll admit, I needed as much help as I could get in the idea department, and I came up very shorthanded. But more often than not, instead of offering suggestions that go along with a bride’s theme or wedding dream, bridesmaids can say what THEY think would look good and how THEY think the bride should do things. If the bride is gracious, but firm in her thinking, she’ll nicely tell her bridesmaids that’s not what she wants and that’ll be that. Of course there’s the drama of girls being hurt over their suggestions being shot down, but that’s a whole other can of beans. Some brides will feel trampled on and will easily give in to other ideas. To avoid this whole catastrophe, I suggest working on this: be helpful and suggest ideas, but try to only verbalize thoughts that connect to the bride’s plan. You want to help the bride’s dream wedding come into reality, and you can truly help with that! But if she’s going more traditional and you’re suggesting hot pink table cloths with glitter on everything, it won’t be very helpful. Do your best to branch off of her plans and give suggestions for details, for how to better accomplish something. We’ve all been gifted differently, and you may have a more inexpensive and less laborious way of putting those centerpieces together – vocalize your idea! And even more importantly – don’t be offended if your idea isn’t used. You’re here to help. If you’re one of six bridesmaids, chances are, not all the ideas offered will be used. This isn’t about you, it’s about helping your girl out! Be glad when she uses something you suggest, but be humble and not pitiful when your idea doesn’t work out.

3.       Respect her time with her man.

   If I could say anything about being engaged, it’s this: you ALWAYS want time with your guy, and with the mounting stress of getting married, you probably won’t be able to part with him for more than a few hours. Not really, but pretty close. I’m gonna address this a little better later, specifically looking at single girls and helping them better understand having a close friend in a relationship, but for now, I’ll leave it at this. It’s nothing personal, but sometimes, the bride is going to simply want some alone time with her husband-to-be, and you will have to respect that. I understand that you’ve been best friends since you were two years old, and you’ve never spent more than that week you were both on separate family vacations apart from each other. But things are gonna change, if you haven’t realized that by now. Sometimes the best cure for wedding stress is some time away from all that estrogen, and a relaxing evening with her man, remembering the reason she’s undergoing all this work.

4.       Pray for her.

   Pray after you leave her for the night. Pray on your way to work, Pray with her when you see she’s overwhelmed to the point of tears. Engaged couples covet your prayers something fierce, and if there’s one thing you can do to help, it’s to ask the greatest One there is to bring peace and strength to that couple.

   I know that these points will vary from bride to bride. Some women may want you to give them every possible idea you’ve got! Some will need more emotional support. Some will want distance, but more hands-on help. You know your girl, and you know how you can best help her. If you’re at a loss, pray for her. This is a stressful time on her, on her relationship with her fiancé, even on her friendship with you. You need to understand that and help her. Be somebody she can go to for advice, or just be there so she can hand a project off to you so she can unwind with her man. You may feel underappreciated, but trust me, when the big day is over, and she’s back from her honeymoon, she’ll see all that you’ve done, and it will be greatly appreciated! A few more points and I’ll be done.

   To the Maid of Honor. You have one of the biggest responsibilities. And you may not be told that, and you may not realize it, which is why you have to take the initiative to step up and take charge. Not of the wedding, of course, but of helping distribute the tasks to the other bridesmaids and making sure you all act as the bride’s minions in getting all of her evil doings done! If she has a to-do list thirty items long, ask what you can take care of. Make the phone calls to confirm reservations and vendors. Call the store to find out of price of those champagne flutes. There are a lot of little things that get overlooked by those helping, but sometimes, those little things are the biggest help. If you’re not so good at organizing and planning, and you’re more the creative type, use your gift and help create some masterpieces! Do your best to be as helpful and underwhelming as possible. Go over your ideas with the bride, and if she gives you the OK, DO ALL THE CRAFTS. Know how you can complement the bride’s personality with your own. If she’s more creative and dreamy, but you’re a planner, maybe suggest making up a checklist WITH her. Help organize her dreams and make them possible!

   I hope this all makes sense. Remember everyone’s person is a unique individual and will require different help. What may have helped me may not be as helpful to another bride. But if you can remember to be as selfless and serving as possible, you will make the bride’s wedding a dream come true, and that’s something to be proud of!

Day 47 of Marriage

   One of the biggest days in a person’s life is arguably their wedding. It’s what little girls daydream about. It’s what young men wring their hands over. Fathers dread and cherish that day, and mothers pine over it.
   I recently experienced mine. My wedding day.
   And it’s over.

   You spend months (for some women, years – try to imagine THAT), planning, designing, delegating, stressing and losing sleep over your wedding. It truly is a huge deal!
   And yet it’s over in less than 24 hours.

   I have been a married woman for exactly one month and eight days. That is incredible to me. The one day I worried about the most, was most anticipating, and was probably the biggest event to happen to me yet – it’s gone.

   I could write this whole post about all of my planning details. How I did everything, what I hated, what I loved, blah, blah, blah, but right now, I’m just trying to comprehend this day being forever in my past.

   Young girls, single women, dating, and brides-to-be, if there’s one thing I could tell you all, it would be this:

   Enjoy your wedding day, and make it last as long as possible.

   Don’t be spending your day fretting about this and that, getting frustrated over mis-communications. In the end, few will go noticed, and as long as there’s food, usually everyone’s happy. But seriously take in as much as you can on that day. It is gone in a heartbeat and before you know it, you’re waking up next to your best friend with some new bling on your finger, and you won’t believe where the day went.

   Spend your wedding day with your best friend. Gaze into his eyes without breaking away, kiss him shamelessly, and dance till you give yourself some nice blisters for your honeymoon – don’t regret a moment of that day.

   I’ll post some other helpful tips at another time, but for now remember – life is short, each day is even shorter, even your wedding day. Don’t waste a moment and enjoy it in the best way you can.

Day 62: Groomsmen Attire

   When I first began my wedding planning, my motto was this: Simple is best.
   I thought I would save myself so much hassle by keeping things simple. I quickly found out that keeping things simple is a LOT harder than you would think, and even those things that do stay simple can be difficult.
   For example, finding my groomsmen suitable pants.
   Our wedding is going to be in the middle of July. We want a structured, and yet semi-casual feel to the day. So we decided on something simple for our men. Light grey dress pants, white button-down shirts with the sleeves rolled up, a yellow bow tie, and grey suspenders. Easy peasy right?
   WRONG.
   First off, did you know that unless you go to a specialty shop, men's departments carry a very small collection of bow ties, and they're rarely solids.
   Secondly, did you know that light grey men's dress pants DON'T EXIST?!?!?!?!
   Tad and I spent months searching the internet, walking through stores, TRYING to find light grey pants for the guys. I wasn't even being super picky about the color! I had a general range to stay within, but I was leaving plenty of wiggle room. But no, everything was patterned, obviously or subtly; everything was too dark; everything was sold out; everything was way over our desired price limit; the sizes weren't right; what we were looking for DIDN'T EXIST.
   It also didn't help that we were trying to find pants in a 32x36 for one of our groomsmen, until we realized that size virtually is nonexistent and his pants are normally hard to come by/specially ordered.
   Well praise God, last week we finally found pants, in the PERFECT color to complement Tad's attire (which is a darker grey, and a vest in lieu of suspenders), lightweight fabric, and my mom, being an ingenious seamstress, found a way to get around the 32x36 dilemma.
   Now, I'm in the process of getting the guys to all try on their pants, as it seems they made run bigger than expected. This oughta be interesting.
   I also may have my mom make the bow ties, since I believe finding them under a gazillion dollars and in the right color will be nearly impossible.
   So for all you brides out there thinking what you want will either cost you a fortune, or doesn't even exist, keep praying. You may have to compromise a bit, but I think in the end, you'll be happy with the result :]

We've Got a Ringer!

 
The latest item I've checked off my wedding checklist is the shopping for and purchasing of our wedding bands. Tad was quick and easy. He's spent months joyfully browsing through his options (simple, unique, antler, bone, wood, dinosaur fossil - no, I'm not kidding. They exist.). I on the other hand have been a bit preoccupied with what I consider more important wedding details (i.e. finding a wedding photographer for under $1,000. I did it, believe it or not!). The nights we'd spend browsing Google and Pinterest for wedding band ideas generally left Tad excited and me, well, confused and overwhelmed.

   I'm not a glitzy gal, I'll admit, but I like some sparkle every now and again. I'm still surprised with how perfectly my engagement ring suits me - 10 points to Thaddeus ;) I decided I would really love a band with some bling; specifically the half band of stones, possibly alternating between diamonds and rubies (which are our birthstone AND the month we'll be getting married in. Triple bonus points to me!). Unfortunately, sparkle costs moolah, and I certainly didn't feel like making my poor husband-to-be pay for a band that would take years to pay off, especially when he's still working on the last piece of jewelry he bought me.

   So Tad and I decided we would save the glitz for a one-year anniversary gift, which suited me fine. I get what I want, but later on, which I find more exhilarating than getting all the good stuff on one day. Still unsure of what I wanted, we headed to the jeweler's. Tad looked at the few choices he had narrowed down to and within a few minutes picked out the roughest, toughest ring that would last him through his job, was comfortable, and still looked as cool as he wanted it to. I had decided I wanted a simple band, but wasn't sure what. The girl helping us quickly showed me what I thought to be a brilliant, albeit obvious, answer to my plight for wanting something simple yet still a bit unique. She asked if I wanted something to go with my engagement ring, to which I responded enthusiastically, "Yes!" She pulled out a white gold band with a slight twist and curve to it. She told me how they could shape a band to fit around one side of my engagement ring, and I was sold! I requested a slightly thicker band, as my engagement ring has a very slender one, and white gold wears fairly quickly. They simply ordered the band, and when it comes in, they'll take my ring for a few days to shape my band!

   All done. So simple. I think we were there for a total of 15 minutes.

   Here are my suggestions for finding the perfect wedding band (if your ring didn't already come in a set):

• Google. Google and Pinterest. See what's out there. Get an idea. There were so many more options then I ever thought there would be! Both Tad and I are getting a fancier ring that appeals to our more artistic and unique sides as a one-year anniversary gift, and going with the more practical more our everyday band. I like how because my band will be so simple, I'll be able to wear it with my engagement ring for some prettiness without being blinded. Tad went with Tungsten, which is very durable, and quite pretty too :)
• Talk with your jeweler. Wherever you or your man got your ring, go talk with them. They'll be helpful and give you a lowdown on your options. I always suggest going local, to help with those smaller businesses. I also think you're less likely to get skeezed that way.
• Know your limits and work within them. Tad and I decided that a dozen diamonds were gonna be a bit much at this point. We were both willing to compromise, and we're both very happy with our decisions!
• Remember, diamonds don't come above a grade D. Anybody who tries to sell you a grade A, B, or C diamond is lying to you. They don't exist. Grade D is as good as it gets, and D's are basically what you'll find at Tiffany's. The difference between D's and E's are tens of thousands of dollars, but the visible differences are impossible to notice unless you're a jeweler with his fancy diamond equipment.

   Here's to hoping you fulfill your girlish fantasies for your wedding, and love your husband-to-be in the process.