I start this with
my own experience and the stories of others in mind. I am currently in the
honorary position of a bridesmaid for the first time in my life, and this after
having already been the bride. I want to share my thoughts on bridesmaid Do’s
and Don’t’s from both sides. As a bride, I can tell you what my bridesmaids did
that was helpful, that was unhelpful, and what I would have liked them to have
done more of. I’ll share with you a bit of what the bride feels during the
engagement time, if you don’t already know, and I’ll tell you what I think will
be best for you to keep in mind.
1. Do
give as much physical assistance as needed.
I don’t think any bride
will ever say her bridesmaids did too much work when it came to her wedding
day. Be asking what you can do, and make yourself available for as much of it
as you can. Especially if there are a lot of DIY projects going on, the bride
will always be happy to have extra hands to help out. I had plenty of projects
that went on until the late hours of the night, and few of them actually came
to fruition, just because I ran out of time and willing hands to get it all
done. No matter how small the project, no matter how much hot glue gets pasted
to your hands, it will be greatly appreciated, and will make the work go by
faster, as well as make it more fun!
2. Don’t
overwhelm the bride with YOUR ideas.
I’ll admit, I
needed as much help as I could get in the idea department, and I came up very
shorthanded. But more often than not, instead of offering suggestions that go
along with a bride’s theme or wedding dream, bridesmaids can say what THEY
think would look good and how THEY think the bride should do things. If the
bride is gracious, but firm in her thinking, she’ll nicely tell her bridesmaids
that’s not what she wants and that’ll be that. Of course there’s the drama of
girls being hurt over their suggestions being shot down, but that’s a whole other
can of beans. Some brides will feel trampled on and will easily give in to
other ideas. To avoid this whole catastrophe, I suggest working on this: be
helpful and suggest ideas, but try to only verbalize thoughts that connect to
the bride’s plan. You want to help the bride’s dream wedding come into reality,
and you can truly help with that! But if she’s going more traditional and you’re
suggesting hot pink table cloths with glitter on everything, it won’t be very
helpful. Do your best to branch off of her plans and give suggestions for
details, for how to better accomplish something. We’ve all been gifted
differently, and you may have a more inexpensive and less laborious way of
putting those centerpieces together – vocalize your idea! And even more
importantly – don’t be offended if your
idea isn’t used. You’re here to help. If you’re one of six bridesmaids,
chances are, not all the ideas offered will be used. This isn’t about you, it’s
about helping your girl out! Be glad when she uses something you suggest, but
be humble and not pitiful when your idea doesn’t work out.
3. Respect
her time with her man.
If I could say
anything about being engaged, it’s this: you ALWAYS want time with your guy,
and with the mounting stress of getting married, you probably won’t be able to
part with him for more than a few hours. Not really, but pretty close. I’m
gonna address this a little better later, specifically looking at single girls
and helping them better understand having a close friend in a relationship, but
for now, I’ll leave it at this. It’s nothing personal, but sometimes, the bride
is going to simply want some alone time with her husband-to-be, and you will
have to respect that. I understand that you’ve been best friends since you were
two years old, and you’ve never spent more than that week you were both on
separate family vacations apart from each other. But things are gonna change,
if you haven’t realized that by now. Sometimes the best cure for wedding stress
is some time away from all that estrogen, and a relaxing evening with her man,
remembering the reason she’s undergoing all this work.
4. Pray
for her.
Pray after you leave her for the night.
Pray on your way to work, Pray with her when you see she’s overwhelmed to the
point of tears. Engaged couples covet your prayers something fierce, and if
there’s one thing you can do to help, it’s to ask the greatest One there is to
bring peace and strength to that couple.
I know that these
points will vary from bride to bride. Some women may want you to give them
every possible idea you’ve got! Some will need more emotional support. Some
will want distance, but more hands-on help. You know your girl, and you know
how you can best help her. If you’re at a loss, pray for her. This is a
stressful time on her, on her relationship with her fiancé, even on her
friendship with you. You need to understand that and help her. Be somebody she
can go to for advice, or just be there so she can hand a project off to you so
she can unwind with her man. You may feel underappreciated, but trust me, when
the big day is over, and she’s back from her honeymoon, she’ll see all that you’ve
done, and it will be greatly appreciated! A few more points and I’ll be done.
To the Maid of Honor. You have one of
the biggest responsibilities. And you may not be told that, and you may not
realize it, which is why you have to take the initiative to step up and take
charge. Not of the wedding, of course, but of helping distribute the tasks to
the other bridesmaids and making sure you all act as the bride’s minions in
getting all of her evil doings done! If she has a to-do list thirty items long,
ask what you can take care
of. Make the phone calls to confirm reservations and vendors. Call the store to
find out of price of those champagne flutes. There are a lot of little things
that get overlooked by those helping, but sometimes, those little things are
the biggest help. If you’re not so good at organizing and planning, and you’re
more the creative type, use your gift and help create some masterpieces! Do
your best to be as helpful and underwhelming as possible. Go over your ideas
with the bride, and if she gives you the OK, DO ALL THE CRAFTS. Know how you
can complement the bride’s personality with your own. If she’s more creative
and dreamy, but you’re a planner, maybe suggest making up a checklist WITH her.
Help organize her dreams and make them possible!
I hope this all
makes sense. Remember everyone’s person is a unique individual and will require
different help. What may have helped me may not be as helpful to another bride.
But if you can remember to be as selfless and serving as possible, you will
make the bride’s wedding a dream come true, and that’s something to be proud
of!
