I'm feeling it today.
I don't really know why. Life hasn't been bad. I've been spending some time with family. I've formed a new friendship. The kitchen is getting redone (woohoo!).
And yet...
It's still there.
To be honest, I feel better now. Some Nintendoland with Liv and a nice warm bath with some Dekker calmed me down. But what I was feeling... still am feeling...
It hurts.
Is it pathetic to hurt for no reason? It makes me feel like I'm falling into the stereotypical category of "emotional teenage girl." I hate that.
Maybe there is a reason.
A conversation I had with a friend seemed to pierce my heart. I'm reminded of how desperately I want to pour out the stories of my soul to another person. Every struggle, pain, scar contained in my heart - I want it out. But I can't let it out.
I'm struggling. I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, overlooking what lies beneath. The vertigo is beginning to kick in, and if I look much longer...
I'll fall.
Is it necessary to have someone to tell all to? Does everyone have a kindred spirit?
I found a quote from C.S. Lewis today that I think most everyone can relate to:
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
And from there you start discovering all sorts of mutualities. Hobbies, interests, opinions, the list goes on. What's even better are those few and many differences that put a spice into the relationship all the commonalities could not produce.
I'm not sure where this is going. I just realized I wandered off my original course, and now I'm not sure what my destination is. Then again, I never know where these posts will end up.
I suppose I just needed to write my feelings down. I'm sure you know how that goes. And if I put them in public form, they don't become so self-pitying as what the writings in my journal are. That is a struggle: self-pity. Stay far from that path, my friends. It ends in more destruction than you could possibly imagine.
As any rate, since I can't mind any good ending for this post (when can I ever?), I'll leave you with some quotes from Lewis. Adieu.
"We read to know that we are not alone."
"In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do."
"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, no even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun - not because I can see it, but by it I can see everything else."
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
