October Blues

Listen to this while you're reading

   October, such a beautiful, calm, yet covertly strong month, full of gentle autumn breezes felling leaves to the ground, and serious chill being pushed through what's left of summer. I have a thing for fall. The smell (I'll admit, I get excited about the smell of every season - it's kinda my thing), the look, the quietness, the sweaters and boots and pumpkin coffee, apple cider donuts, corn mazes,pumpkins,bonfires,mallows,thanksgivingchristmasshoppingblanketscuddlescolors!! Yeah. I like fall. It makes me want to embrace the solitude and silence of the coming cold. Unfortunately, ever since I started dating Tad, my introverts qualities have been slowly swallowed up by people and relationships, and now, I don't think I know how to enjoy being alone. A normal day, Tuesday thru Saturday, can go one of two ways. If I have work, I spend my morning and the first part of the afternoon completing household tasks I've set, enjoying a little television, maybe read a little. Then I depart for work and come home that night to my wonderful husband. Or, if I don't work, I do the same, just minus the work, so I have more time at home. 

   Now, for some odd reason, I've become rather bored and depressed with being alone all day, and I also have ADD or something, because I can't keep at one task for more than an hour if I'm alone. I feel like time is dragging and I get depressed that my life has no more purpose than to vacuum the floors of my house all day. I've tried to truly cherish my time alone, and I'll pray, try to get into a new book, but it doesn't work any more. I can barely get myself to stay attentive to one chapter in a new novel. Prayer can become less invigorating the longer I go at it. My day gets harder and harder to go through as the hours go by. Now, I know that living in a house of white walls does not help (see my last post for more on that), but I really have a hard time doing the same thing, every day, especially something that is so dull as simply keeping the house in order. The only thing that makes it possible for me to get through the day without an emotional breakdown is if I take time to go for a walk outside. I think if I can get my butt up and moving, I'd like to start taking late morning runs during the work week.

   Self-image has become a problem of mine as of late, and as I see my once semi-athletic body becoming softer and pudgier, it's getting to me. I'm a bit too lazy to actually get up and take action, however. Just writing about it is making me more motivated though, so I'm determining to get up and run after I finish this post. Running is actually a good cure for depression and stress. Any sort of exercise, especially cardiovascular, is good for you, really. It also gets rid of pudge, which I'm all for. And, if you're decent at multi-tasking, it can be good prayer time!

   It is settled - I'm gonna start simple, even just a half-mile run, and go from there. It may not last long, with sweet, wonderful winter arriving in just a few short months, but that's what sexy isometric workouts with the husband are for ;)