Relationships

    Firstly, please note that I actually entitled this post with something actually related to what the post is about! It's not a song title. (At least not one that I know of :)

   I've been really thinking about relationships this past week or so. Not the mushy-gushy kinds (I'm too young to even want to think about all that stuff :P), no I'm talking about relationships with friends. Friendships.

   This past Sunday at the girls Bible study I've been involved in, our topic of discussion was "Relational Strength". In the book we are studying*, it asked questions like what makes a person a good friend, it suggested you write down what certain verses had to say about the power of words in relationships, and even asked what we had to do to be friends with God.

   But it really made me examine myself to see where I personally fell short in my relationships with others. Things like watching my tongue, what I say. I'm usually pretty good at thinking before I speak, but sometimes things slip out that, though thought through, really weren't great choices. Even words I hold back can be damaging. I saw that though we don't always want to, it may be necessary to truly hold friends accountable for their actions. This seemed like a touchy subject for me. I felt like I shouldn't say anything because what if I say the wrong thing, hurt someone, or maybe speak when I shouldn't have spoken at all. And there's definitely a fine line between completely bashing a person about what they do and lovingly telling them what needs to be said.

   I think in order to admonish a friend, you really need to examine your heart. And not just a quick glance. You really need to search deep and make sure what you're doing, you're doing for the right reasons and that you do it gently, but truthfully. You know the whole "take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck from someone else's". This would apply here :)

   I feel that I fail a bit with this. I don't want to offend anyone, and I can sometimes not word things in the nicest way. I don't mean things in an un-nice way, but sometimes they just come out that way. But if I truly care about someone and their spiritual life, I should be willing to maybe put myself in a slightly awkward position, but encourage my friend towards an action she may not be taking, or discourage her from an action she is engaging in. And what you say they may at first reject in their heart, but I've heard many accounts of how a firm admonition, though bitter at first, eventually turned out for the best, and the person admonished was extremely glad their friend was willing to speak up.

   I also noticed that, personally, it's best that I not talk if something said has made me emotional. Certain subjects, or people's mindsets can really tick me off, and I'll say hurtful things that sound good at the time, but don't usually have good end results. And sometimes, saying nothing has saved me a whole lot of trouble.

   Anyway, all this talk about friendships really got me thinking about my own. I realized I need to reach out to people more. I tend to wait for them to come to me and it doesn't happen very often. And part of the reason I haven't felt that initiative until now is that I was struggling a lot spiritually. I was doing things for selfish reasons because I really felt so broken and useless I didn't believe I had anything going for me. Thankfully, God's taken me out of that mindset, taken my mind off myself, given me a new view of myself, and I am more focused on Him than I ever was. The lies I believed still whisper in the back of my mind every once in a while, but I don't give in to them like I did before. I truly believe I'm forgiven and loved :)

   ANYWAY, I've felt that I need to reach out more, create real relationships with people. I need to step out of my comfort zone and really care for people. Because it's not about me, it's about spreading God's love to everyone - believers, non-believers, guys, girls, old, young. Everyone. So I guess that's a new goal of mine - to be more... approachable. And approach others. :)

   I've also been thinking about the few "close" friendships I have. I'm really not the type of person who can tell someone everything about me. There are many things I've never told anyone, and I don't think I'll ever be able to completely be gut honest with anyone and pour my whole life story onto to them. At least not now. Maybe my future holds someone (besides God ;) that I'll be able to tell everything to, but who knows.

   I have one friend that I talk to about a lot of stuff. We talk about ourselves, our lives, spiritual stuff, physical stuff, emotional stuff - just about everything. Not really any deep dark secrets, but we talk about questions we have, how crazy our families are, some of our fears, plans for the future. Sometimes our talking never really accomplishes anything, but it's nice to know there's someone out there who understands some of what I say :P And we're honestly not very much alike. We struggle with different things, we have many differing opinions, our families are complete opposites, we have different styles of going about tasks, and lots more. But we're still good friends, and I pray that our friendship lasts for many more years.

   My other friend I've felt that I've just recently gotten close to. We've known each other for quite a few years, but a lot of different things have gotten us talking recently, and though we may not be super close, we're pretty good friends. I feel I can be totally honest with her. I don't have to sugarcoat things. I can tell it how it is. And she's the same way with me. She'll give me her honest opinion about something, but still be super nice about it. She's also got a wacky personality and the craziest laugh :P It's just nice to be open with someone about things.

   Okay, I have one last point. if you've read this far, I award you the Faithful Reader award. You're awesome :D

   Something else we discussed during our Bible study was having one close friend. In fact, it was agreed upon that one close friend was a billion times better than a hundred friends you don't really talk to. I've always struggled with this because jealousy can sometimes take hold of me. I'll feel a real kinship with one friend, but the I'll see her surrounded by tons of people who adore her, or see that she's close to someone else and I'll instantly feel hurt and jealous. Thank God that He's helped me through a lot of this, but I still struggle a bit. And I know that my relationship with that person will always be separate from her relationships with others. There will always be a bond between us that no one else has. We'll have shared secrets no one has heard. And even if they have, who cares? A friendship is precious, too precious to let petty things get in the way. I wasted a good four years of my life feeling inadequate, jealous, and hurt, when I really just needed to take my mind off myself and put it on God. Completely. I need to have tunnel vision, be completely focused on God and nothing else. Literally. That's not even an exaggeration. Nothing else in this life matters but Him, and if we put Him into every aspect of our lives, He'll bless it - our lives. And He'll bless our relationships if He's the main point.

Cheers♥

*The book we're studying is here :)