We Have Some Complications

   I miss those carefree days of childhood where the days seem so long, Christmas is always too far away, and you have no worries. Now, 24 hours seems like a moment, Christmas comes and goes and before you know it, creeps up on you again. Every day there's a new enemy to attack your anxiety.

   I feel like before I know it, I'll be 30 years old, have my own kids (or maybe I'll be single and living in an apartment with my various exotic pets... it could happen), and then in a second, I'll be 80, watching my grandkids grow up, struggling to keep the memories of my childhood alive.

   Life is so short. It can be blown away by the wind in a second. When you're a child, you think you have all the time in the world. It seems life is here to serve you, and happiness is always easily attained. But now... you'd love to stop time, if just for a moment. You try to grab hold of the earth that's spinning away under your feet. You wish for it to slow down so you can breathe in the fresh air for just a moment before you hurry on with the rest of your life.

   But we can't stop it. Life keeps going, and when it does stop, it stops permanently. No second chances. You're done. I don't want to get to the end of life, look back on my tears and suddenly realize: I've wasted it. If that's the last thought in my mind before I die, then it would have to be true. And that's my biggest fear. To waste my life.

  There is something, however, that can make it worthwhile. I've found it's so much better, so much greater. If only I'd let it control my life, consume me. If I'd let it take hold of every part of my life. I don't want to keep anything for myself. I want to give it all away, without regret.

   I want God to have it all.

   If I keep any part of my life for myself, I'll waste it. I know it. I'm human. I'm horrible at using my life for the best it can used, and I don't even know what the best is. All I can do is give it up to God. He knows. I mean, He's God!

   That's all I want to do. Give up my life. Forfeit it. The only thing I was given on this earth. My life. And I want to give it away. Sounds a bit crazy, I guess. The one thing most could agree we're truly entitled to - I want to give it to someone else.

   But maybe that's what we're meant to do. We're meant to give. We've been given a gift. Most of us want to hoard it, keep it for ourselves, do what we want with it. But maybe we were given it to make the decision to give it away. Maybe that's where true happiness it found. True joy. True meaning.

   I know I won't get anywhere if I keep my life for myself. So I surrender it. This isn't my life, Lord. It's Yours. Take it. Use it in any way or form that you please. Make the most of this, fragile, broken, imperfect soul and use it for your glory. That's all I ask. I'll try to please you, do your will, follow your path. I'm only human, but I think in return for my life, You'll give me the power to accomplish what You want. Take my life, God. It's Yours.

Cheers♥