Is It Really You?

   My dog apparently confuses the commands "sit" and "jump". This picture was the result of that confusion.

So I think I just read at least three different posts that were trending with the whole deep, philisophical, meaning of life, un-perfection*, and all other related bits.

   I must say I'm lovin' it. (ba da buh ba baaaaa ;)

   So many people out there are just totally going for it and saying "Hey. My life isn't perfect. But that doesn't mean it isn't awesome." Amen!

   I tend to go through phases where one moment I'm all super depressed and looking at the glass as half-full**, and just downright pessimistic. During these times I'm probably the last person in the world anyone would want to talk to (even I get sick of listening to myself during those times. Only problem is I can't really get rid of myself).

   Then I say to myself, "Emily, you're being depressing. Leave your self-pity party and go smell the flowers in the park (or your backyard since you haven't gotten your permit yet, and still can't drive, therefore making it impossible to transport yourself to the park without assistance from one of your parents who will undoubtedly not want to take you anywhere...yeah.)."

   And so I just continue on in this way, going from emo-girl reading too much Edgar Allen Poe to peppy little miss sunshine.

   So I'm just gonna clear some things up.

   I love my life.

   I dislike my life (I don't like using the word hate and it's usually misused in most cases. That's where the word "dislike" comes in handy).

   Maybe that just makes things more confuzzling. My apologies.

   I love this life. I love nature, seeing how amazing and creative God is. I love staring at the stars and trying to imagine how far away they are. I love watching the clouds drift by and pretend I'm moving with them. I love waking up too early and being able to watch the sun rise ('tis bittersweet, seeing as I must wake up quite early to do this... and I'm not a morning person). I love my family and friends and how much they make me smile and laugh. I love the comfort they can bring me. I love all the little things we miss.

   But I dislike so much. I dislike the human nature, how we, how I can't do anything but sin and wander from God. I dislike days of endless rain and the tragedies it brings upon people and what their lives are built upon. I dislike how easily we forget the big picture and what life is about. I dislike how dependent I am upon things that won't last my lifetime. I dislike all the pain and suffering in the world and all the people, sometimes including myself, who won't do anything to stop it.

   It's hard to keep a joyful spirit, and yet a realistic mindset at the same time. It's so very difficult to be overflowing with happiness and at the same time be completely broken for the people of this world that are missing out on the most spectacular gift known to this universe.

   Maybe this is why I have this bipolar lifestyle. I still struggle to keep a calm, joyful heart in the midst of trials. And instead of keeping constant, tamed emotions for both sides of life, I switch between the two extremes.

   I'm learning though. Through much learning I've become slightly less of an extremist, emotionally and spiritually. God's shaping my heart. Sometimes I notice, sometimes He does it when I'm not looking. But it's happening. (though a bit slower than I would like ;)

   I'm not perfect by any means. I can't say that I would want to be perfect for then there would be nothing new to learn. But I live my life with a bigger goal. A wonderful goal with a reward so invaluable, words could not describe its wonder.

   I'll just keep going on, allowing God to change me in any way He please, and I'll push forward toward my prize, praying that I'll become more like Him along the way.

Cheers♥

*I've discovered that adding "un-" to the beginning of any word makes its negative, even if the new word isn't dictionary-certified. It works.

**The again some people look at the glass and say that somebody was probably drinking from that glass and they'd would prefer not to discuss someone's backwash.

***I think I have an obsession with asterisks. They're so handy! This may become a regular thing.