A Naive Kook

   I always found it funny how bipolar humans can be. One moment we're on fire for something, and the next, ice cold.

   I find this in my walk with God. I few weeks ago my eyes were really opened and my heart was humbled and put where it should've been years before. It was amazing. I was praying, reading my Bible, doing my devotions, staying really focused - everything felt good. Then, eventually I got a bit lazy, missed one day; it lead to me not wanting to pray that night and waiting till the morning. I was too tired to focus and read, so I told myself I'd do something that night, and the pattern continues until it's woven a quilt of disappointment, depression, and anger.

   I can sit here and wonder why God's given up on me. I can claim He's left me where I started after giving me a taste of true joy. But then I take a step back and examine what I've been doing the past week. Sure I haven't really been praying. Yea, I haven't really been reading my Bible. But my relationship with God shouldn't be dependent on that stuff, right? Maybe not, but a relationship usually doesn't work so well when you're not talking or listening. I become too comfortable with where I am and think all that other stuff doesn't really matter.

   But it does. I will never have a perfect relationship while on this earth, and it'll only get worse if I'm not putting anything into it.

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   Right now, my puppy is at my feet, under the desk (one of her favorite spots), perfectly content (for now...). Sometimes I wish that's how I were - never wanting to leave my Master's feet. Perfectly content to be crawling on the floor, licking His toes, following Him where ever He goes. Unfortunately, I get distracted. I chase after that bouncy ball down the halls to the world. I follow the Deceitful One because He's got a treat in an outstretched hand - all the while hiding a net behind his back to catch me with.

   I know the Master has a big juicy steak waiting for me at His dinner table, but the treats look so good right now. Eventually, they give me a tummy ache, spoil my dinner, and I want nothing to do with that steak. It makes me sick just to look at it.

   The Master is so kind, though. He takes care of me, makes me feel better, and still offers me dinner. Wow.

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   I don't think I was going anywhere with that, haha!  Oh well! I was babysitting tonight - the normal five kids. It ought to get interesting in another year. One of the moms has a little girl a few months old that will eventually be added to the group, and the other mom is having a little one on Friday! Seven kids - one teenager. My oh my...

   I love how different all kids are. One of the little girls I babysit is close to or is three-years-old and she is probably my dream child. Very intelligent, talks extremely well for her age (she can pronounce words I can't even pronounce), and picks things up when I tell her to (what every parent dreams of - an OBEDIENT child). Then there's a little four-year-old girl, the most agile, flexible thing I've ever seen who has an obsession with playing "Kitty Cats", a.k.a., she's a kitty and I'm the little girl who takes care of her. There's only so many things a cat can do. And she can play that game for hours.

   But kids are still adorable (unless they happen to be demonic beings sent only to ruin my life. Then I just want to lock them in the basement). I love watching the little ones I've been "given charge over" every other Tuesday night for three hours. Personally, I would love to adopt like, twenty kids. I'm thinking of marrying rich, for that reason only - seriously ;)

Cheers♥